Episode # 562 – It is advisable for the girl’s parents to stay away from their daughter’s personal affairs post marriage!!!

In the previous episode, we had concluded Sage Markandeya’s long accord with Yudishtra and we’ve commenced the next accord on the “Draupati-Satyabhama Samvaadham”. Here, Satyabhama is asking a few questions to Draupati pertaining to the “Pathivrata Dharma” and Draupati is going to give very important and interesting answers. In this way, we’ve seen the first question coming from Satyabhama as to how Draupati is able to keep all her five husbands happy and content at all times. Satyabhama even goes on to ask whether Draupati is employing any “Mantra” or some secretive food tactics to ensure that this happens. However, this question from Satyabhama did not go well with Draupati. She immediately answers back saying that she is not using any “Mantra” or “Yantra” to make this happen, but it is her character and behaviour which satisfies all of them. 

Now this is a very important point that all of us have to understand here – As the English proverb says, “When Character is lost, everything is lost in this world” – This old adage finds perfect application here as well. Of course, when it comes to exhibiting good behaviour and character, it applies not only for the wife, but also to the husband as well. Both of them as a unit should respond to each other’s needs and should ensure that the trust factor is taken care of between them at any point in time. Even though we find Draupati talking about how a woman should exhibit good behaviour and character, it applies to men as well. Respect in a relationship is always two-way and should never be a one-way traffic! So when it comes to a husband and a wife, there should be a great amount of transparency between the couple in all aspects of life, because both of them are living together. If one of them allegedly tries to cheat the other and if the other one finds it out, even if it might be a small thing, the trust factor gets broken. If the trust factor breaks between the couple, it is very difficult to reconcile after that. It is like this – We’re driving our car on a highway at top speed (120 Kmph), with the trust that the braking system of the car is intact. If we find some problem with the brakes, will we even take the car outside our house? The answer is “no”, isn’t it? How can we take a risk if the braking system of the car has a problem? We would only give the car for servicing immediately, or, if the problem is not possible to be sorted out, we would only end up changing the car, isn’t it? This is the similar case when it comes to a couple as well – The relationship goes on very well only with the belief and trust that we have with our spouse. If at some point in time, the trust gets broken, the relationship will crumble, isn’t it? 

This is what modern-day couples should understand at the onset. In the present day, it has become a trend that the wife’s parents (especially the mother) get involved in the personal matters of their daughter after her marriage. We should understand one thing clearly here – When we give our daughter in marriage to another family, she becomes part of another family and is no longer part of our family. This is why we perform the “Kannika-Dhaanam” (Kanya-Dhaan) as part of the marriage ceremony. Of course, I’m not saying that the wife’s parents should completely desert their daughter after marriage. But, there should be a fine balance here – If the husband or the husband’s family members come to know that the wife’s parents are involved too much and poking their nose into unwanted things, the relationship is going to get spoilt. This in turn leads to a lot of cases of young couples going for divorce, or even if that is not the case, people’s relationships get strained and estranged over time. Hence, as parents of daughters, it is always better for us to keep a safe distance from the in-laws after marriage, rather than micromanaging the daughter’s affairs on a daily basis. 

This is not the only complication here – There are many instances wherein the girl’s parents try to dominate over their son-in-law, just to make sure that the son’s parents do not come close to their lives. Even on matrimonial sites, many girls’ families are making it very clear that they do not want “extra baggage” in their daughter’s life to bother her! How pathetic are we getting? Aren’t we realizing that by performing a marriage, instead of growing a family, we’re only ending up destroying families? Why should a man compromise on his parents for his wife who doesn’t cooperate with him in any way? If atleast, just like how the husband’s parents should stay away from them, will the wife’s parents stay away as well? Now this is “Dharma”, isn’t it? If older baggage should stay away from the young couple, the rule should apply to the girl’s parents also, isn’t it? However, this doesn’t apply! The girl’s parents keep coming in every time to poke their noses. However, when the son’s parents come in, they try to create an issue with that! These are no less than pathetic and cheap ways of behaving with the husband, and these are exactly what Draupati is talking about here. 

So the point is very clear – When will mutual respect come? It comes only if we respect each other in an equal manner, and if we pass on that same respect to each other’s family members equally. We should always remember that respect is never one-sided. So for today, let us understand this point very clearly, and let us wait till the next episode to continue this discussion further! Stay tuned! 🙂 


Published by Dr. Jeayaram

Holds a PhD in Management Psychology from Universite Paris Saclay, Paris, France. Also an Asst. Professor of Human Resources management at Bharatidhasan Institute of Management (BIM) Trichy, India A professional South Indian classical musician (singer) performing concerts. Through this blog, I'm trying to bring out the richness of Indian culture & values and I request your support and feedbacks in making this humble effort a success!!

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