Episode # 272 – “Immense happiness is when we “lose out” to our dear ones” – Vidura’s important message!!!


In the previous episode we had witnessed the continuation of the introductory note for the 39’th Adhyaaya of the Vidura Neeti. Subsequently we began to explore the contents of the same towards the end of the episode. We started to look into the last few slokas of the 38’th Adhyaaya so as to get the continuation as we move into the 39’th. In that way we had witnessed a sloka through which Vidura conveys the message that we should never get angry or frustrated with the following categories of people. Of course it is important for us to control our anger and frustration at all times, however there might be some situations in life that warrant us to exhibit our anger, but in a controlled and channelized manner.

We’ve seen this same philosophy during the early episodes of our Ramayana project, wherein Valmiki Maharishi places this important characteristic as one of the sixteen “Kalyaana Gunas” of Bhagawan Rama. He says thus:

“Kasya bibhyati devaascha jaata roshascha samyuge!”

Here Valmiki Maharishi asks Sage Naarada as to who is that one person living in this world who, if gets angry, even the Devas (Celestial Beings) would also start shivering with fear. It is to be remembered that Valmiki Maharishi is listing out the characteristics (16 of them) of Bhagawan Rama and this is the last of the sixteen. This explanation shows that Bhagawan Rama’s anger knows no bounds and it has the capability of destroying the world altoghether at one shot!

However it should be noted that there is one more characteristic among the sixteen which says “Jithah krodhaha” – This means, Bhagawan Rama is the one who has won over his anger completely and is totally devoid of any anger at all! If we compare these two “Kalyaana Gunas” and see, it might seem a little confusing here – One characteristic says that Rama has conquered anger completely, which means that he should never get angry for anything in life. Whereas, the other one says that if Rama gets angry, he is capable of bringing the whole world under his knees! Now isn’t it contradictory? How can both be true at the same time? Here is where we need to make the differentiation very clearly – Bhagawan Rama knows when to exhibit anger and when not to. This differentiation is extremely important. When Ravana hit Bhagwan Rama with countless number of arrows on his body, he never got angry on Ravana even for a second! He allowed Ravana to hit him as much as he wants to! Upon seeing this, Ravana got puzzled as to how to make Rama react! The moment Ravana turns his attention towards Hanuman and starts firing his arrows on him, this is the point Bhagawan gets on top of his anger – When he gets attacked by his enemy, Bhagawan is more than happy with it! Whereas if his ardent devotee comes under attack from the enemy, Bhagawan can never tolerate it even for a moment! Thus when Ravana attacks Bhagawan’s ardent devotee called Hanuman, Rama’s fury knew no bounds and thus he took up the challenge – “Now the time has come for the world to witness Rama’s fury! Ravana has crossed all his limits! If I do not attack him now, then I would be doing a great sin to Hanuman! Now let the world witness the real powers that Rama possesses!” Saying thus, Rama unleashed his fury over Ravana and post that, all of us know what happened!

Thus the message from this small anecdote from the Ramayana is that, we should know to channelize anger in such a way that it should be for a constructive purpose. This is exactly what Vidura is explaining here too. He says that anger should not be exhibited towards women, children and a king.

All of us have a notion that we can win over everybody with anger. Let me ask a simple question – Why should we win everytime and over everybody in life? Why don’t we lose too? Especially with our wife or husband, what are we going to gain by winning over the other person? Is there going to be a trophy or an award that is given at the end of the day for our so-called “victory” over our wife? There’s nothing like that isn’t it? Only if we learn to lose out to our dear ones, will our life become happy and sweet! The more we lose out to our wife, the more sweeter life becomes! If we’ve to keep winning everytime with her, our ego takes over us and ultimately the happiness in the married life tends to vanish. Similarly there are some situations in life wherein we can lose in the beginning, so as to win big later on! It is like letting go of a small fish to capture a huge fish from the ocean! We might see fishermen playing this trick – He would tie a small fish at the corner of the fishing net and then sprew it over the water. Seeing this small fish at the corner of the net, bigger fishes would come towards it, thinking that it is their prey. As they come near, the fisherman knows the impulse and thus tightens the noose of the net around the big fish! Thus the bigger fish is caught by letting go of the smaller one.

This is how our life is too – At certain times, we should learn to lose out to the other person, only to win back bigger next time! If we give place to our ego by winning over petty things, our image as a person goes for a toss. We’ve to be very careful here in this regard. Either it is victory or loss – This is just a mental feeling. It is in the way how we take it. If it is between a husband and a wife, or between a son and parents, or between a student and the “Aachaarya”, we should first learn how to lose to each other! For instance, if a father is testing his son on certain skill set and there is a small contest in this regard between the two of them, will the father ever try to win over his son? Every father will try to lose out to his little child because he wants to see his child happy! At the same time, the child would also think “What am I going to gain by winning over my own father? If my father wins over me, I would be happy to see him smile!” Thus, both of them trying to lose out to each other gives the maximum happiness for the two of them.

Hence the message from today’s episode is that, we should know to channelize our anger. We should know when and where to exhibit anger. Subsequently we should also know where to win and where to lose out! We should never have this attitude of “winning over everyone and every time”! We should learn how to lose out to our near and dear ones, and this would give us immense happiness. So for today, let us ponder over these important points and let us try to put them in practice too. We shall wait till the next episode to continue this discussion forward and subsequently move on to the next sloka. Stay tuned! 🙂

Published by Dr. Jeayaram

Holds a PhD in Management Psychology from Universite Paris Saclay, Paris, France. Also an Asst. Professor of Human Resources management at Bharatidhasan Institute of Management (BIM) Trichy, India A professional South Indian classical musician (singer) performing concerts. Through this blog, I'm trying to bring out the richness of Indian culture & values and I request your support and feedbacks in making this humble effort a success!!

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