Episode # 66 – Why is “transparency” important between a husband and wife? Vidura explains!!!

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In the previous episode we had witnessed a very important discussion on three categories of people in this world, as explained by Vidura to King Dhirdiraashtra – “Adhama-Purusha”, “Madhyama-Purusha” and “Utthama-Purusha”. People falling under the category of “Adhama-Purusha” are considered to be selfish and only focus on fulfilling their desires and needs even at the expense of inconvenience caused to others! Those falling under the category of “Madhyama-Purusha” are people who try to live and also let others live. In other words, these people try to satisfy their own needs and desires, but also try and help others to satisfy theirs as well. Now when we talk of the third and the most important category of “Utthama-Purusha” these are the people who care only for the welfare of others and in the process, they even go to the extent of sacrificing their own personal needs, wants and desires. Such people are highly regarded by the world with lot of respect and reverence. Thus the message from the previous episode for all of us was that, we should make a conscious effort to transcend from the category of “Adhama-Purusha” to “Madhyama-Purusha” to “Utthama-Purusha”. This would give us peace of mind along with respect in our society.

Now moving on further, Vidura is going to explain the next three important attributes in the coming sloka. It is to be remembered by the readers that Vidura is now trying to pack three attributes in each sloka. Here the explanation is about the three categories of people who would not be able to possess any wealth.

“Thriyayeva adhanaa raajan bhaaryaa daasastathaa suthaha!”

Now what are those three categories of people not possessing any wealth (“Adhana”)??? “Bhaarya” (Wife), “Daasaha” (Servant) and “Suthaha” (Son). Thus, these three categories of people do not possess any wealth. What if in case they have some wealth in their hands?

“Yath the samadhi gacchanthi tasya te tasya tath dhanam!!

Thus Vidura continues to say that even if these three categories of people possess any sort of wealth with them, ultimately it would reach the husband (if it’s the case of wife), the boss (if it’s the case of the servant) or the father (if it’s the case of the son).

For a moment when we look at this sloka, we would think that this is not applicable to today’s scenario. However even today, if we look into the laws of Taxation, while calculating the income tax of a family, all the income related to the wife and son/daughter would be linked with that of the husband’s. Thus we can see here too that even if the wife or children have some property or income against their names, it would ultimately be calculated under that of the father or husband. Thus if we look into this particular context, whatever Vidura has explained seems quite true. This is because, the crux of what Vidura has said was that, wealth would not be part and parcel of a wife, servant or children and even if that is the case, it would automatically go into the kitty of the father or husband. This is exactly what our Income Tax rules say today as well!

Thus we need to understand the fact that once a marriage happens between the husband and the wife, the property that is with both of them individually is considered to be common for both. There should be no differentiation between the property of the husband and that of the wife. Our “Sanaathana Dharma” also emphasizes this fact in a beautiful way. We can see how much of importance is given to women in our “Dharma”. Even if we’ve to do some auspicious offerings to Bhagawan on account of some functions like “Tharpana”, “Shraadha”, etc. there are some special privileges given to the women during these processes. When the husband sits in front of the “Agni” (Lord of Fire) to submit the offerings, the wife should hold a pack of “Dharba” (Grass) by touching it on the husband’s shoulder. This means to say that the husband is doing all the offerings only with the permission of his wife. Even when there are some “Dhaana” (Donation) to be given by the husband as part of the ritual, the wife should sprinkle some water with the “Dharba” grass on the items that are to be donated, and only then the “Dhaana” has to be done by the husband. This also means that the husband offers “Dhaana” only with the permission and the consent of his wife. Such is the importance given to the unity between the husband and wife in our “Dharma-Shaastra” or “Sanaathana-Dharma”.

Thus the message from today’s episode is that, property between a husband and a wife is common to both of them, the property belonging to the wife and children would jointly be accounted under the husband’s name only and most importantly, whatever expenses that need to be done as a family should be done only with the consent of the wife.

Why are we emphasizing this point with lot of stress? It is because in the modern day, we see innumerable instances wherein the husband makes some expenses here and there without the knowledge of his wife. Similarly the wife also makes some expenses without the knowledge of the husband. Ultimately what happens at the end of the day is that, there is no transparency between the husband and wife as to who is spending what! Thus ultimately leads to quarrels, fights and unwanted verbal arguments with ego clashes between the two of them! In the present day, we see innumerable such instances in many homes that ultimately lead to divorces and separation! This is what I’m repeatedly stressing – Once a marriage is done, there is no question of separation of any sorts! Whatever may be the situation, we need to face and handle it amicably. How does that happen? The main requirement is “transparency” between both of them. Thus the relationship between the husband and wife should be like an “open book” wherein all kinds of information – both good and bad are transparently shared between both of them at any point of time. This would give immense happiness and peace of mind and eventually the mutual trust between the two people would grow and prosper.

Thus for today let us introspect the transparency aspect between the husband and wife at home and let us check if we fall into the right track. If not, let us take a step forward to improve the transparency with our spouse and make life a happy journey! We shall wait till the next episode to find out the next set of three attributes that Vidura explains. Stay tuned! 🙂

Published by Dr. Jeayaram

Holds a PhD in Management Psychology from Universite Paris Saclay, Paris, France. Also an Asst. Professor of Human Resources management at Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham in Kerala, India. A professional South Indian classical musician (singer) performing concerts. Through this blog, I'm trying to bring out the richness of Indian culture & values and I request your support and feedbacks in making this humble effort a success!!

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