Episode # 112 – Why do families fall apart in today’s scenario? Sage Jada-Bharata has an answer!!!

In the previous episode, we had been amidst a very important discussion about how we should show “detachment” towards our family, son and daughter. We’ve witnessed the significance of the shabdha called “Putra”, which means “son”. We’ve said that it is important to have a son in our life because he is the person who can prevent us from entering into the “Naraka Lokha” called “Puthu”. In due course, we’ve also seen how having a “Putra” can also backfire in today’s scenario very badly. We’re currently witnessing today how families are getting split because of issues pertaining to property, gold, money, etc. Fights between the son and parents, or between two brothers or sisters are becoming the order of the day in today’s context. If we start looking deep into all of these, as a parent we might even come to the conclusion that entering the “Puthu – Narana Lokha” is much better than being amidst all of these meaningless fights and emotional trauma every passing day! 

Moving on with this point further, it is very important for us as to why Sage Jada-Bharata is stressing upon this point so much to King Rahuguna. He clearly says that there is no point in showering too much love and affection towards children beyond an extent. We might wonder the reason why Sage Jada-Bharata is stressing upon this. We can see this in two ways – One is “experience sharing”! All of us know by now, how Sage Bharata himself was a victim of this point and failed to attain “Moksha”, even though he was a great sage in his previous birth. We’ve witnessed how he got carried away by the excessive love and affection he showered on the deer and how he lost his track on his spiritual pursuit. Thus, Sage Jada-Bharata is teaching King Rahuguna from his own experience as to what happens if we shower excessive love and affection on someone or something. This is one way of looking at it. 

Now, the second way of looking at this point is very important and is very pertinent to what is happening today. Coming to an important question here – Why are families falling apart so quickly today? Why are people not able to tolerate even small misunderstandings and misfortunes in today’s scenario? The biggest reason for this is our “ego”! We tend to stick to one notion of thought or someone and if something happens in such a way that hurts our ego, we tend to give up very easily. For instance, in those days in our Bharata Desha, we had the concept of a “Joint family”, wherein the entire set of relatives were living together – Right from the in-laws, sisters, brothers, their family members, etc. Even today in certain pockets of our country we have this practice. However, as years progressed, we have split ourselves into separate “islands” as the concept of a “nuclear family” has chipped in big time! Now it is important to understand why this nuclear family concept penetrated so much into our society. The primary reason behind this is gross “intolerance” and the ego that is associated with it. All of us today want “privacy” and we ensure that none of the others interfere into our “private personal matters”. Today we’ve come to a stage wherein the definition of a “joint family” has totally changed – Today we say that we’re a joint family even if the husband and wife are living together under the same roof! 🙂 We’ve come to such a stage today wherein married couples are not ready to adjust and live together! This is the pathetic stage to which we’ve pushed ourselves to, and the biggest problem in today’s so-called modern society is lack of adjustment and lack of concern for others. We’ve pushed ourselves into such a selfish mode that our mindset today has become so narrow-focused. 

This is exactly the reason why there are fights between parents and children or within brothers or sisters. As days, months and years have progressed, all of us have become selfish in terms of possessing money, property and luxuries, in such a way that we go to any extent to abduct the wealth of our own brothers or sisters for our own personal benefit. Can we go worse than this? Thus, the point here is that, if we’re overly possessive towards someone or something, all such problems arise. This is why Sage Jada Bharata (in this context) and Bhagawan Krishna in His Bhagawad Gita focus heavily on detachment. As a parent, it is important that we shower our love and affection towards our children. We should perform our duties towards them by giving them good education, setting them up in their lives, etc. However, this should not cross the limit wherein we become overly possessive on our children. The problem complicates when it comes to girls today – The girl gets married to her husband and since the girl has been showered with excessive love and affection by her parents, she is virtually unable to adjust with her husband and in-laws! Of course there would be differences in terms of certain practices and customary routines that are followed within different families, but because of lack of exposure and excessive attachment between the girl and her parents, she finds it extremely tough to accommodate and adjust herself to a change. This results in unnecessary clashes and quarrels between the newly married couple and also with the in-laws. This is what we need to avoid and this is where Sage Jada Bharata’s advice becomes very important. 

So from this narrative, we should clearly understand that there is a “threshold point” that we should know when it comes to showering love and affection towards our children. Of course it is important that we have children and we love and care for them, etc., but at the same time, this love and affection shouldn’t go to an extent that it would spoil their life as well as ours. So for today, let us understand this important point and let us wait till the next episode to move on further from here! Stay tuned! 🙂 

Published by Dr. Jeayaram

Holds a PhD in Management Psychology from Universite Paris Saclay, Paris, France. Also an Asst. Professor of Human Resources management at International School of Business & Media, Pune, India. A professional South Indian classical musician (singer) performing concerts. Through this blog, I'm trying to bring out the richness of Indian culture & values and I request your support and feedbacks in making this humble effort a success!!

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