Episode # 240 – Never seek help from people who have “hidden expectations” – Vidura’s strong words of advice!!!


In the previous episode we had witnessed the continuation of the discussion on Vidura’s point of explanation regarding consumption of minimal food, but maintaining a balanced diet. We’ve witnessed how Vidura’s explanation is so scientifically valid in today’s world of cutting-edge research in this field. This is just one example of how research in science was already cutting-edge in our Bharata Desha even 5000 years ago! There are innumerable examples like this to prove that India is far better in terms of scientific knowledge than compared to the western countries today, although they try to copy us and claim their intelligence. So (for all fellow Indians) rather than underestimating our motherland, let us learn to appreciate and understand the in-depth research that has been done in the past by our own ancestors and let us try to implement this research in our daily lives for a better living.

Moreover, it is sad to see that many of the modern-day researchers across India and also the world are merely interested in getting their names published in journals and articles and are running behind cheap publicity and money! True research should focus on the outcome and how the finding would benefit the society and the world at large. Research should never limit itself to just mere publications, rankings, etc. Institutions all over the world should give more importance to the “Implementation” part of the research, rather than gaining cheap brownie points and mileage with just the number of publications that come out. If the implementation part would not have been good, would we still keep talking about the works of Chanakya, Charaka, etc. as part of our great and glorious Indian history even after so many thousands of years? Hence the point here is that, “Implementation” of the research findings needs to be the prime focus for modern-day researchers all over the world and their valuable time and energy spent on research should directly reach the common man so that the entire world stands to benefit out of it.

Now moving on further, Vidura explains the next point – Here he says that if we’re going to ask for help to someone, we should also be prepared to help that person whenever he/she is in need. For instance, if we have an urgent financial need and we’re running out of options to scout for money. What would we do? We would immediately think of borrowing some money from a friend or a close relative of ours, isn’t it? This is where Vidura cautions that we need to be careful as to whom are we approaching for our urgent needs to be satisfied. Vidura explains thus:

“Sahaaya bandhanaahyarthaaha sahaayaascha artha bandhanaaha!”

Here Vidura explains and cautions us that many a times in life, people around us would be opportunistic in nature. If we’re going for a help to someone, we should always keep in mind that they’re going to help us only with that expectation that we would help them in reciprocal when they’re in some need at some other point in time. There would be very few people in this world who would have that selfless nature and attitude to offer an unconditional help to us without any expectation in future.

Many a times we would have seen and experienced this in our life – People would keep cribbing that they helped someone some years ago when he/she was in need, but once that help was done, that person never even cared to thank them back! I’m sure even some of us would have similar grudges over some people. This is exactly what Vidura explains here – If we’re helping others, we should maintain ourselves in such a way that the help that we offer is unconditional. It is only then, the help genuinely would benefit the needy. I’ve already mentioned a note on this in one of our previous episodes – If we’re giving something to someone with our right hand, even our left hand should not know about it! What does this mean? This means that we should never publicize the help that we do! If we try and publicize it, what does that infer? It simply infers that we’re helping someone with an expectation! It is only because of that expectation, we’re trying to show off to the world that we’re doing something to him/her. We presume in our mind that he/she would remember our help for their entire lifetime and would respect us and help us at a time when we require! This is where the problem starts – Over a period of time, the help that we offer to someone would end up in a big fight and would ultimately end up spoiling the relationship with the other person.

Thus the message from today’s episode is two-fold – One is, when we offer a help to someone, we should try to maintain ourself as unconditional as possible. It is only then that the help that we offer would stand to benefit the other person fully. The second is, when we ask someone for help, we should first try to check if we’re approaching the right person to ask for it. If we approach someone for an urgent help, we should always be prepared to help them back at times of their need.However, if we find that this person would expect something in return that we would not be able to satisfy, it is better to avoid such people.

Many a times this happens today – Some people tend to misuse others with the “help” that they render. There are instances wherein men expect sexual favours from women when they offer some help to them. If such is the level of expectation, it is always better that women avoid these kinds of men for any help. We might have seen many instances like these in many movies and also in reality too. Hence it is upto us to discriminate between the good people and the bad ones and try to approach the right person who would be atleast somewhat unconditional in what they offer.

So for today let us think and ponder over this important advice from Vidura as to whom do we approach for help and whom we offer help to. We shall wait till the next episode to witness Vidura’s next important point. Stay tuned! 🙂

Published by Dr. Jeayaram

Holds a PhD in Management Psychology from Universite Paris Saclay, Paris, France. Also an Asst. Professor of Human Resources management at International School of Business & Media, Pune, India. A professional South Indian classical musician (singer) performing concerts. Through this blog, I'm trying to bring out the richness of Indian culture & values and I request your support and feedbacks in making this humble effort a success!!

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